Tozier.net

Author: Bob Tozier

  • Arm and Leg

    I ACCIDENTALLY PAID FOR MY MEAL with my organ donor card.

    My dinner cost me an arm and a leg.

  • Scandinavian

    I have been working on a Scandinavian joke.

    It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now, there is just Norway.

  • Apple Seed

    Just choked on an apple seed.  This is what I get for trying to eat healthy.

    Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups don’t pull this nonsense.

  • 1st Date

    If you don’t know what to talk about on a first date, try mentioning Global Warming

    It’s a huge Icebreaker

  • Donation

    A guy knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool…

    I gave him a glass of water.

  • Right

    My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

    So I packed up my stuff and right.

  • younger pirates

    Some of the younger pirates have difficulty relating to the older ones.

    It’s likely due to the gen arrrrr ation gap.

  • Noisy

    Imagine how noisy centipedes would be if they wore tiny flip flops.

  • micro

    Scientists are working on a small implanted device that randomly emits the sound of a baby chick.

    It’s a microcheep.

  • Stop

    Sometimes I STOP when it’s not even Hammer time.