Tozier.net

Author: Bob Tozier

  • TOILET BRUSH

    RULE NUMBER 1 OF CLEANING WHILE LISTENING TO MUSIC: 

    THE TOILET BRUSH IS NEVER THE MICROPHONE…

    NEVER!

  • Framed

    Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

  • Communication

    If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly.

    Because communication is key

  • Cat

    My neighbor recently introduced her cats to me, Astrophe, Erpillar, Aract and Alogue. 

    l asked her where she got such unusual names and she said “Oh, those are their last names, their first names are Cat.”

  • Wonder

    I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training purposes?

  • Indecisive

    I used to think I am indecisive, but now I am not sure

  • Fantastic father.

    My dad was always a “If you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own” sort of man.
    Fantastic father. Terrible air traffic controller.

  • homing pigeon

    You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

  • Windows

    Why did the husband pour warm water on his computer? He had asked his wife what to do if windows froze.

  • Food

    What is the Mexican dish that snowmen like? Burrr-ito.