Bob Tozier – Page 9

Chip

I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.

Whoever came up with“a penny for your thoughts”, “don’t nickel and dime me”, and “another day another dollar”
sure knew how to coin a phrase.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

I never understood why a set of false teeth is called “dentures”.

They really missed an opportunity to call it “substitooths”

I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on how I cooked his steak. Getting a “Well done” from a Medium is rare.

If you’re asking me for advice, I’m going to assume you’re out of all other rational options.

An ostrich will often walk around and then forget where they’re going. Never before have I related to an animal so much.

A sloth could have been chasing you for the past 6 years and you would never know it…

A tour bus going to Elvis’s Graceland mansion has crashed. No one injuries, but the passengers were all shook up.