One Liners – Tozier.net

Chip

I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

If you’re asking me for advice, I’m going to assume you’re out of all other rational options.

An ostrich will often walk around and then forget where they’re going. Never before have I related to an animal so much.

A tour bus going to Elvis’s Graceland mansion has crashed. No one injuries, but the passengers were all shook up.

I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. ~ Fire Marshall Bill

One day I’m going to start collecting highlighters. Mark my words!

If I had a nickel for every math exam I failed, I’d have 43 cents.