One Liners – Tozier.net

Unique

Always remember that you ate unique… just like everyone else.

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An empty fortune cookie is rather unfortunate.

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 23 things that I’m putting off until later.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, The Opportunist.

When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction?

He eagerly signed up for the Reverse Psychology course, but was surprised to find that day one was the final exam.

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.