Tozier.net

Category: One Liners

  • Chip

    I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

  • Dropping

    I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.

  • Charades

    The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

  • No Other Options

    If you’re asking me for advice, I’m going to assume you’re out of all other rational options.

  • Ostrich

    An ostrich will often walk around and then forget where they’re going. Never before have I related to an animal so much.

  • Tour Bus

    A tour bus going to Elvis’s Graceland mansion has crashed. No one injuries, but the passengers were all shook up.

  • Rain

    I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.
    How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

  • Fire

    Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

    ~ Fire Marshall Bill

  • Highlighter

    One day I’m going to start collecting highlighters.

    Mark my words!

  • Nickel

    If I had a nickel for every math exam I failed, I’d have 43 cents.