One Liners – Page 3

multitasking and procrastinating

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 23 things that I’m putting off until later.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, The Opportunist.

When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction?

He eagerly signed up for the Reverse Psychology course, but was surprised to find that day one was the final exam.

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

If you’re asking me for advice, I’m going to assume you’re out of all other rational options.

An ostrich will often walk around and then forget where they’re going. Never before have I related to an animal so much.