One Liners – Tozier.net

receipt

Whoever decided to put a “p” in “receipt” was an idiopt.

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

The other people in this yoga class act like they’ve never seen anyone pull a rotisserie chicken out of a fanny pack before.

The meaning of opaque is unclear to me…

It turns out Bigfoot costumes are surprisingly realistic at 1:00am around the bonfire of a party I wasn’t invited to.

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun

Nothing embarrasses, psychics more than throwing them a surprise party

You could be allergic to dinosaurs and don’t even know it

You can remove any letter from the word “seat” and still have a real word.

I don’t know if the lady in front of me at Starbucks is ordering coffee or Casting a Spell.