Tozier.net

Category: Jokes

  • Fired

    I just got fired from my new job for asking customers if they preferred smoking or non-smoking…

    Apparently, the correct question at the funeral home is: cremation or burial.

  • Both

    I am both dumber and smarter than you think.

    Never estimate me.

  • Chip

    I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

  • Dropping

    I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.

  • Coin

    Whoever came up with“a penny for your thoughts”, “don’t nickel and dime me”, and “another day another dollar”
    sure knew how to coin a phrase.

  • Charades

    The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

  • Teeth

    I never understood why a set of false teeth is called “dentures”.

    They really missed an opportunity to call it “substitooths”

  • Steak

    I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on how I cooked his steak. Getting a “Well done” from a Medium is rare.

  • No Other Options

    If you’re asking me for advice, I’m going to assume you’re out of all other rational options.

  • Ostrich

    An ostrich will often walk around and then forget where they’re going. Never before have I related to an animal so much.