Why do they sell unsharpened pencils? Completely pointless.
To measure the quality of ones puns, you need to use a Sighsmograph.
When my friend Joyce learned she could clone herself, she rejoiced.
My sister was on the phone with me the other day. We were laughing at how we used to be so competitive when we were kids, but I laughed more.
What do you call a physician who graduated online? A Google Doc!
What is green and smells like blue paint? Green paint.
Breaking news: A barge carrying a large shipment of yo-yos has sunk 28 times so far this morning.
reminder: April is Procrastination Awareness Month.
I do all my own stunts, but not intentionally.
If you think that your job is useless, how do you think the lifeguard and the summer olympics feels?