Dad Jokes – Page 2

multitasking and procrastinating

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 23 things that I’m putting off until later.

I’ve shenanied before …and I’ll shenanigan.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, The Opportunist.

When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction?

I gave my neighbor a plum, but he said he’d prefer a pear. So I gave him another plum.

I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit.Honestly, not a big fan.

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

What does an escalator say when it stops working? Nothing, it just stairs

I asked the lion what he was doing in my wardrobe. He said Narnia business.

The doctor said my sugar was too high. When I got home, I moved it to a lower shelf; it’s much more accessible now.