Fired

I just got fired from my new job for asking customers if they preferred smoking or non-smoking… Apparently, the correct question at the funeral home is: cremation or burial.

Both

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Never estimate me.

Chip

I was fired from Pringles. They said that l had a chip on my shoulders.

Coin

Whoever came up with“a penny for your thoughts”, “don’t nickel and dime me”, and “another day another dollar”sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Charades

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Teeth

I never understood why a set of false teeth is called “dentures”. They really missed an opportunity to call it “substitooths”

Published
Categorized as Jokes

Steak

I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on how I cooked his steak. Getting a “Well done” from a Medium is rare.

No Other Options

If you’re asking me for advice, I’m going to assume you’re out of all other rational options.

Ostrich

An ostrich will often walk around and then forget where they’re going. Never before have I related to an animal so much.