Jokes – Page 17 – Tozier.net

multitasking and procrastinating

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 23 things that I’m putting off until later.

I’ve shenanied before

…and I’ll shenanigan.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, The Opportunist.

Dogs can bark up to 500 times a day. That’s just a Ruff estimate.

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because it’s too far to walk!

When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction?

He eagerly signed up for the Reverse Psychology course, but was surprised to find that day one was the final exam.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, The Opportunist.

Yesterday I saw a book called “How to solve half of your problems.”
So I bought two.

I gave my neighbor a plum, but he said he’d prefer a pear. So I gave him another plum.