Category: Jokes

Nickel

If I had a nickel for every math exam I failed, I’d have 43 cents.

Fridge

Why is there No “D” in Refrigerator, Yet There is One in “Fridge”

Vivaldi

I got chatting to this woman at the bus-stop this morning and she told me that people call her Vivaldi.I asked her: “Is that because you’re a brilliant violinist?”She said: “No, it’s because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi.“

Idiot

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

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Problems

Problems my generation were told to fear that were way overblown:• Quicksand• Getting lost in the Bermuda Triangle  Problems no one ever warned us about:• Arguing with robots over “unexpected item in bagging area” • Remembering 147 passwords

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Tossed and Turned

I ate a rotisserie chicken and a salad for dinner. I tossed and turned all night.

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Spiders

Imagine if spiders screamed when you found them!

Arm and Leg

I ACCIDENTALLY PAID FOR MY MEAL with my organ donor card. My dinner cost me an arm and a leg.

Scandinavian

I have been working on a Scandinavian joke. It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now, there is just Norway.