Dad Jokes – Page 5

Etch-A-Sketch

I’ve come to the conclusion that my memory is like an Etch-A-Sketch…

I shake my head and forget everything.

An empty fortune cookie is rather unfortunate.

A genie granted me one wish, so I said “I just want to be happy.”

Now I’m living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 23 things that I’m putting off until later.

I’ve shenanied before

…and I’ll shenanigan.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, The Opportunist.

When stirring up trouble, do you start in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction?

I gave my neighbor a plum, but he said he’d prefer a pear. So I gave him another plum.

I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit.
Honestly, not a big fan.

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.