Tozier.net

Category: Dad Jokes

  • Dropping

    I can’t believe I keep dropping things. It’s gotten out of hand.

  • Coin

    Whoever came up with“a penny for your thoughts”, “don’t nickel and dime me”, and “another day another dollar”
    sure knew how to coin a phrase.

  • Steak

    I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on how I cooked his steak. Getting a “Well done” from a Medium is rare.

  • Tour Bus

    A tour bus going to Elvis’s Graceland mansion has crashed. No one injuries, but the passengers were all shook up.

  • Rain

    I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.
    How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

  • Fire

    Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

    ~ Fire Marshall Bill

  • Highlighter

    One day I’m going to start collecting highlighters.

    Mark my words!

  • Vivaldi

    I got chatting to this woman at the bus-stop this morning and she told me that people call her Vivaldi.
    I asked her: “Is that because you’re a brilliant violinist?”
    She said: “No, it’s because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi.“

  • Arm and Leg

    I ACCIDENTALLY PAID FOR MY MEAL with my organ donor card.

    My dinner cost me an arm and a leg.

  • Scandinavian

    I have been working on a Scandinavian joke.

    It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now, there is just Norway.